School is at the bottom of my priorities now a days. :/

And that's slightly horrifying, yet relieving at the same time.

All my life, for as long as I can possibly remember, I have worked my freaking ASS OFF in school. I never had free time. I never took the time to go hang out with friends or go online until all my homework was done. I'd sit down at the living room coffee table, pull out all my work and just do it. No questions asked. No complaints. I'd do it the second I walked in the door from school. Simple as that. Then, when I was done, I'd have my free time. Which usually, by then, was an hour or less. I spent and wasted away my days working so hard to become what I have now. I've wasted my life. Because now, look at me NOW. I don't do homework right away, maybe not even at all. I'll wait until the last second and end up staying up all night if I actually have that much motivation in me to actually do homework. Now, I don't care. I don't FUCKING care. Homework, school, studying, all of it. I don't care. I've come to the realization that school has caused a great deal of stress and depression in my life. And I'm constantly getting and giving the advice, "Eliminate what makes you unhappy in your life, then you'll be happy." So, what did I do? Fucking eliminated school. I refuse. I refuse to "do school" anymore. I hate it. I hate school so much that I want to break down JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. There have been countless times where I walk into school, crying. Or I'll end up breaking down in first and second period. Why? Because I just can't handle it anymore. I can't handle getting up super early, not getting any sleep, having to do this bullshit 5/7 days of my week. I can't do it. I can't find the motivation to do homework, to study or to even give a damn what my grades are or how I'm doing. I don't care what my grades are, what my teachers or friends think, none of that. My grades aren't out of my stupidity or anything. I'm not dumb. I just stopped trying. So, why care? I know it's not because I'm just a dunce. Thus, I don't give a damn. For now, school will be some little prison where I sit in a desk for 7 hours with a break of 30 minutes every day to see friends. It's nothing more. I zone out. I sleep. I eat. I just chill. I'm not paying attention anyway, so why am I even still there? Why am I in this place where superficial, rich, stuck up, self centered, selfish, ignorant human beings go every day? I don't want to be a part of that bullshit. I want to step out of that. I want out of the bubble that is Bonita High School. I want out of the society that forces us to go to school. I want to be able to sit around all day, sleep a good 10 hours and just do whatever the hell I want. I don't want to get 4 hours of sleep, get up at 6 am, go to school all day, then come home and do homework all night. What the hell kind of sick world is this? School is stripping us of our childhoods. I don't care if I'm 17 now. I AM a child. This IS my childhood. And it's being destroyed. It's being destroyed by the legal daily routine that is school. So, why? Why am I still doing this? ... I honestly don't know. I'm sick of it, though. And June 2010 will be the greatest moment of my life. I know it. I'm craving that. Maybe that's why I'm still here. I'm here to wait. Wait it out to graduate and get the hell out of the horrible, little-slice-of-hell school that is Bonita High School. Fuck it. (: