As the paranoia sets in ...

You realize all you really have is yourself.

That's how I feel anyway...

I don't know what to think anymore. I just have this horrible feeling lately. As if everything that can go wrong will go wrong. Call me paranoid or point it out as the truth. I'd like to know what it is. I feel more alone than usual. I feel like nobody really cares about me. Loves me. Or even likes me. Nobody wants me around. Nobody wants to be my friend. Perhaps I'm just meant to be alone. I'm not quite sure.

It's a perplexing feeling. I don't know why it happens to me, but it does. And I hate it. It's definitely my top three worst feelings. Or emotions. Whatever, they're synonyms, right? But ... I really don't know anymore. I hate wondering what's going on. I hate being out of the loop. I hate feeling like everyone was just talking about me in a bad way. I want to be happy .

I want to be happy. I want to be happy. I want to be happy.

I think I keep thinking, if I say it enough, it will happen. This idea is clearly wrong. It's not happening. So I continue saying it until someday it happens. Until then ... I long to feel wanted.

:X