Who can cope anymore?

Not me.  Definitely, most definitely, NOT ME.

I've come to the realization that putting a fake smile on and pretending to be happy is just not what I feel like doing anymore.  I've been doing it for approximately 5 years or so, I'd say.  I remember being this way in 6th grade, just not as much.  Now, it's worsened just like everything in my life has managed to do.  

I'm just not capable of coping with the things thrown at me in my life.  I just don't even know what to do anymore.  I'm stuck.  Blank.  Incapable.  I don't want this life.  I didn't ask for this life.  I did nothing to deserve this life.  So why THIS life?  Why?

I just want to be happy.  I want that geuninely, sincerely happy feeling.  Sure, I have happy moments.  But those are only moments.  I don't want moments.  I want forever.  Forever to be happy.  Happiness ... forever.   Why can't I have it?