Done.

No, really. I'm really done.

(Or at least wish I could be).

But I'm not.  I say it, but I'm really not.  I mean, sure, I've TRIED to do it.  You know, "end it on my own".  I've tried, admittedly.  I've never done enough to put myself in the hospital or anything... But "tried".  I don't think I'm capable of doing it, though.  I always think about what would happen.  Who I'd hurt.  Who I'd completely destroy.  But then, I start thinking about what wouldn't happen, who wouldn't care, who might even laugh about it.  That just sends me back to that place...

I wish I could be happy.  More than anything in the whole entire world.  I want HAPPINESS.  Pure, geunine, sincere, real HAPPINESS.  So, why can't I have it?  I mean, I try.  I do TRY to be happy.  I've tried to fix things in my life.  I've tried to make everything better.  I've done so much to try and FIX my life.  It never ever works.  But why?  That's all want to know.  Why?

Also, why do people have to say the overly cliche lines when someone's upset? "It'll get better." "Everything happens for a reason." "It's just a phase that will pass." "It'll all work out."  No... NO!  It will not get better. Everything doesn't happen for a reason.  This is not a phase.  It will not work out.  If it'll get better, when?  If everything happens for  a reason, give me a reason.  If this is a phase, tell me when it ends.  If it's going to work out, tell me how.  I want so many answers.  Why can't I have these answers?

God, please help me.