Ugh !

Ugh.
That's how I feel. I can't even help it anymore. I used to be able to push the depressing thoughts out of my mind, smile, and keep going. Now it just overpowers me and takes out any light within me. I want it to end. I tell myself it will pass. I tell myself I'll be happier. I tell myself I will be able to smile and that smile will be real. I tell myself everything will get better. Soon? Eventually? Someday? Later? When?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just hoping, that's all. I'm hoping-- no, wishing for a better day, for a good day. It gets even worse when other people try to tell me it will get better. It sucks. It gets me thinking, "Yeah, well, what do you know?" or "Yeah, it's not your life." and other rude thoughts when I know, they're just trying to help. But does that matter? No, not really. I can't help it. I want to believe it, but I just can't. I can't. Every day gets worse, so when exactly is going to get better? Never? God, I hope not.

So every day, I try to smile, laugh, be happy, etc. and for a few moments, it works. Then those moments pass, and it's all back to normal again. So I end this complex blog with a simple conclusion...

Ugh.