I wish I was a little bit STRONGER.

I've come to this realization that I'm a weak person.

I am. I know I am. I've always been weak.

I don't know how to fix that. I don't know how to become stronger.

Over this last year, I've seen friends come and go. Some even come back and then go again. The only thing worse than losing someone is losing them twice. It's harsh on a person when all they have to rely on is themselves. That's how I am. I've lost everyone. People may say otherwise, but it's how I feel.

Starting back from junior year, the people I've been close with since middle school or the beginning of high school left me. I lost them. It was tough. The worst part was we all knew we had fallen apart and drifted, yet we all hung out at lunch and school. So, it was awkward and odd. It felt wrong. It felt fake. I wasn't down for that.

Then there was the second half of junior year. I met some new people. I think I took a liking to them too fast. I trusted them too fast. I had a good rest of the junior year with them. I had a pretty good summer. Then, soon enough, all over again -- they were gone, too.

Within a year's time, I had lost two different groups of people that I considered great friends. Did I do something? I don't know. Was it ever even real? I don't know. I'd like to say, "Well, it was fun while it lasted." How can I do that though? I can't. I simply can't.

Then, within the same time, I've felt the two people I thought would NEVER drift from me -- drift from me. I try so hard with people and get nothing in return. Plans are rejected. Plans are bailed on. Simple conversations die. There's so much going on.

All of this, every bit of it, is what has killed me.

I am broken.

I really am.

I know it's bad because people have NOTICED.

Before when I was upset or sad or depressed, people couldn't tell.

People believed my fake smiles and laughs.

Now, I've had people ask me if I'm okay, even though I look happy.

I'm simply broken. :/ And I don't know what to do anymore.