Ugh.
That's how I feel. I can't even help it anymore. I used to be able to push the depressing thoughts out of my mind, smile, and keep going. Now it just overpowers me and takes out any light within me. I want it to end. I tell myself it will pass. I tell myself I'll be happier. I tell myself I will be able to smile and that smile will be real. I tell myself everything will get better. Soon? Eventually? Someday? Later? When?
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just hoping, that's all. I'm hoping-- no, wishing for a better day, for a good day. It gets even worse when other people try to tell me it will get better. It sucks. It gets me thinking, "Yeah, well, what do you know?" or "Yeah, it's not your life." and other rude thoughts when I know, they're just trying to help. But does that matter? No, not really. I can't help it. I want to believe it, but I just can't. I can't. Every day gets worse, so when exactly is going to get better? Never? God, I hope not.
So every day, I try to smile, laugh, be happy, etc. and for a few moments, it works. Then those moments pass, and it's all back to normal again. So I end this complex blog with a simple conclusion...
Ugh.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Forgot to Blog. AGAIN ?!
Wow. I can't believe I forgot to blog, again. So what happened Tuesday?
I went to school. Nothing exciting happened there. Then, after school, I hung out with my best friend, Bruce. We went to our work to turn in his work permit, but nobody was in the office. That was my fault. I forgot it was closed. Haha. Then, we went to KFC because he wanted it . I'm hardcore anti-KFC. I think what they do to their chickens is barbaric and disgusting. Anyway, so the entire time Bruce is ordering his food, I'm going on about how they abuse the animals and stuff in front of the employee. She just kind of had this awkward, unpleasant, guilty look on her face. I felt bad for doing it, but most of the employees don't even know. So, whatever. Then we went to my house and chilled there. I made some Pillsbury Halloween cookies. They were freakin' delicious. My sister, my mom and I devoured those cookies in a matter of minutes. I'm so fat! (: Haha. Then, I did some homework. I finished at around 12 and went to bed. The end.
I went to school. Nothing exciting happened there. Then, after school, I hung out with my best friend, Bruce. We went to our work to turn in his work permit, but nobody was in the office. That was my fault. I forgot it was closed. Haha. Then, we went to KFC because he wanted it . I'm hardcore anti-KFC. I think what they do to their chickens is barbaric and disgusting. Anyway, so the entire time Bruce is ordering his food, I'm going on about how they abuse the animals and stuff in front of the employee. She just kind of had this awkward, unpleasant, guilty look on her face. I felt bad for doing it, but most of the employees don't even know. So, whatever. Then we went to my house and chilled there. I made some Pillsbury Halloween cookies. They were freakin' delicious. My sister, my mom and I devoured those cookies in a matter of minutes. I'm so fat! (: Haha. Then, I did some homework. I finished at around 12 and went to bed. The end.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I Forgot to Blog Last Night ! ):
So I totally forgot to blog last night. I went to bed late and forgot all about blogging. Yesterday was a good day, too!
So, yesterday, I went to school as usual. Nothing so extremely exciting happened at school yesterday. Or I just can't remember. So I'm going to backtrack starting at first period and try to think if anything good happened. Nothing happened in Spanish. Nothing happened in honors pre-calculus. Nothing happened in AP U.S. history. I had a huge test in honors chemistry on the first three chapters of the book. It was surprisingly easy. Nothing happened in AP English. Then, I am a teacher's aide last period, so nothing happened there, for sure.
After school, I had youth group at around 8 pm. It's the first youth group meeting of the semester, so we had a scavenger hunt. Let me try to explain the scavenger hunts we have. They are picture scavenger hunt. Basically, you get a list of things to find and you take a picture of your group doing what it says. For example, "Your entire group doing the YMCA in front of an ice cream/yogurt shop." So our entire group took a picture of all of us doing the YMCA in front of this yogurt shop. Then there's a section of the list where you actually bring back super random items. These scavenger hunts are honestly one of the most fun things I've ever done. Basically, your whole group gets into a leader's car, you have an hour to go around the town/area looking for everything you need to get. Whoever gets the most stuff wins, obviously. It's really fun and super intense! Haha. Then after every meeting, we go to IN n' Out. So we all met up there and got some food. Then the leaders checked all our stuff to make sure our lists were right. We don't find out the winners until next Monday.
After that, I went home and did my homework at like 10:15 pm. I finished all my homework at like 11 and then stayed up until 12 talking to some friends on AIM. That's sad, I know. That's all that happened yesterday. Expect a post a little later around 10 or so about what happened today. (:
So, yesterday, I went to school as usual. Nothing so extremely exciting happened at school yesterday. Or I just can't remember. So I'm going to backtrack starting at first period and try to think if anything good happened. Nothing happened in Spanish. Nothing happened in honors pre-calculus. Nothing happened in AP U.S. history. I had a huge test in honors chemistry on the first three chapters of the book. It was surprisingly easy. Nothing happened in AP English. Then, I am a teacher's aide last period, so nothing happened there, for sure.
After school, I had youth group at around 8 pm. It's the first youth group meeting of the semester, so we had a scavenger hunt. Let me try to explain the scavenger hunts we have. They are picture scavenger hunt. Basically, you get a list of things to find and you take a picture of your group doing what it says. For example, "Your entire group doing the YMCA in front of an ice cream/yogurt shop." So our entire group took a picture of all of us doing the YMCA in front of this yogurt shop. Then there's a section of the list where you actually bring back super random items. These scavenger hunts are honestly one of the most fun things I've ever done. Basically, your whole group gets into a leader's car, you have an hour to go around the town/area looking for everything you need to get. Whoever gets the most stuff wins, obviously. It's really fun and super intense! Haha. Then after every meeting, we go to IN n' Out. So we all met up there and got some food. Then the leaders checked all our stuff to make sure our lists were right. We don't find out the winners until next Monday.
After that, I went home and did my homework at like 10:15 pm. I finished all my homework at like 11 and then stayed up until 12 talking to some friends on AIM. That's sad, I know. That's all that happened yesterday. Expect a post a little later around 10 or so about what happened today. (:
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Wow.
Wooooowwww.
Just wow.
Today was fantastic at times, yet horrible at others.
I'll start off on a good note and tell you about the fantastic times! So, I got to be a breaker again today. It was GREAT. I broke two people and did like nothing for the rest of the day. I took about an hour break with another guard and then we went around the park doing nothing. Then the lead saw us and told us to go look for life jackets. Instead, we got two other people and went down Thunder Rapids. The ride takes your picture. We bought the picture because it was that great. Then we walked around some more and did nothing. Then we walked around the lazy river and did nothing. Then we sat around and did nothing. It was great.
And for the bad...
Basically, I didn't do any homework. I sat around my house after work and ate. I did nothing all day pretty much. And I got acrylics a while ago. And I decided to take them off. They all came off pretty easy except one. Somehow, it managed to get a blood blister type thing and it hurts to the point where it actually made me cry. I can't get it off. There's a band-aid over it now to hold it down and keep it from moving. The tiniest, softest touch really makes me cringe. Anyway, that's all. I'm going to bed.
Goodnight. (:
Just wow.
Today was fantastic at times, yet horrible at others.
I'll start off on a good note and tell you about the fantastic times! So, I got to be a breaker again today. It was GREAT. I broke two people and did like nothing for the rest of the day. I took about an hour break with another guard and then we went around the park doing nothing. Then the lead saw us and told us to go look for life jackets. Instead, we got two other people and went down Thunder Rapids. The ride takes your picture. We bought the picture because it was that great. Then we walked around some more and did nothing. Then we walked around the lazy river and did nothing. Then we sat around and did nothing. It was great.
And for the bad...
Basically, I didn't do any homework. I sat around my house after work and ate. I did nothing all day pretty much. And I got acrylics a while ago. And I decided to take them off. They all came off pretty easy except one. Somehow, it managed to get a blood blister type thing and it hurts to the point where it actually made me cry. I can't get it off. There's a band-aid over it now to hold it down and keep it from moving. The tiniest, softest touch really makes me cringe. Anyway, that's all. I'm going to bed.
Goodnight. (:
Saturday, September 13, 2008
WOAH! First Blog
So, I don't think I even know the amount of times I've attempted to make a daily blog. I've always wanted to, but I always forget about it. I don't know why the desire to write about my daily life occurs, but it does. So here I am, trying again. For the [insert # of daily blog attempt here] time.
What better place to start than what happened throughout my day. First, let me go into the back story. I have a summer job, which is life guarding at Raging Waters. Raging Waters is only open on the weekends now, so that's when I work. So I got up, got ready and went to work. I got to work at exactly 9:59. My shift was at 10. I ran in, quickly clocked in, shoved my stuff into a locker and was on my way. I got to the meeting spot for the section of the park I was in and became a "breaker", which (if you didn't figure it out) is someone who gives other lifeguards their breaks by taking over their position for 10 or 30 minutes. Being a breaker is always good... except for today. Today really pissed me off. Basically, people kept coming back late from their breaks. And I don't care if someone's late by like 5 minutes because you're not supposed to count walking to and from the break room. But no, these people were showing up 10-25 minutes late. When you're a breaker, you don't get your break until you've given everyone else theirs. I, luckily (sarcasm intended), had not eaten breakfast and was starving. I wanted my break! Then since people kept coming back so late and stuff, I didn't get my break until later. So, I got my lunch break at 3 pm. Keep in mind, everyone else got theirs from like 12:30 - 2:30. When I got on my break, there was like 10-15 lifeguards in the break room. By the time I got my food, all the other lifeguards' breaks were over. I was literally the only lifeguard in there, so I had to eat and be all alone on my break. It was so lame and slightly depressing. So then I go back to the meeting spot and a few breakers and I are just chilling at there. Then we had to go give people their second 10-minute breaks and that was okay. Then I had to go replace someone at the top of a slide called Speed Slides. I ended up just sitting up there for an hour and there was hardly anybody in line, so it was just chill. It helped me calm down and relax after being pissed off all day.
OH! I wrote, well though of and kept repeating something, then wrote it down when I got here. I consider them lyrics and I even have a tune to it, although I didn't write the tune. The tune of it is from the song "I Am a Pirate, You Are a Princess" by PlayRadioPlay!
So here it is:
"And he gave me a hug,
that said he was sorry.
That showed he was longing
to say these words,
but couldn't muster
up the courage
to give me an answer
to give me a simple explanation
so I said,
'If you had no other options,
Would it have been me?
Would you have picked me?
To be your love forever and ever?'"
I wrote that, every bit of it, so please don't take it or take credit for it.
(:
That's basically all that happened in my day.
Goodnight.
What better place to start than what happened throughout my day. First, let me go into the back story. I have a summer job, which is life guarding at Raging Waters. Raging Waters is only open on the weekends now, so that's when I work. So I got up, got ready and went to work. I got to work at exactly 9:59. My shift was at 10. I ran in, quickly clocked in, shoved my stuff into a locker and was on my way. I got to the meeting spot for the section of the park I was in and became a "breaker", which (if you didn't figure it out) is someone who gives other lifeguards their breaks by taking over their position for 10 or 30 minutes. Being a breaker is always good... except for today. Today really pissed me off. Basically, people kept coming back late from their breaks. And I don't care if someone's late by like 5 minutes because you're not supposed to count walking to and from the break room. But no, these people were showing up 10-25 minutes late. When you're a breaker, you don't get your break until you've given everyone else theirs. I, luckily (sarcasm intended), had not eaten breakfast and was starving. I wanted my break! Then since people kept coming back so late and stuff, I didn't get my break until later. So, I got my lunch break at 3 pm. Keep in mind, everyone else got theirs from like 12:30 - 2:30. When I got on my break, there was like 10-15 lifeguards in the break room. By the time I got my food, all the other lifeguards' breaks were over. I was literally the only lifeguard in there, so I had to eat and be all alone on my break. It was so lame and slightly depressing. So then I go back to the meeting spot and a few breakers and I are just chilling at there. Then we had to go give people their second 10-minute breaks and that was okay. Then I had to go replace someone at the top of a slide called Speed Slides. I ended up just sitting up there for an hour and there was hardly anybody in line, so it was just chill. It helped me calm down and relax after being pissed off all day.
OH! I wrote, well though of and kept repeating something, then wrote it down when I got here. I consider them lyrics and I even have a tune to it, although I didn't write the tune. The tune of it is from the song "I Am a Pirate, You Are a Princess" by PlayRadioPlay!
So here it is:
"And he gave me a hug,
that said he was sorry.
That showed he was longing
to say these words,
but couldn't muster
up the courage
to give me an answer
to give me a simple explanation
so I said,
'If you had no other options,
Would it have been me?
Would you have picked me?
To be your love forever and ever?'"
I wrote that, every bit of it, so please don't take it or take credit for it.
(:
That's basically all that happened in my day.
Goodnight.
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